Cards!

Honestly, these are what gets me through each day.  Reading the words of encouragement from all the people who are pulling for me!  I don't have time to respond to every single one, but I promise I read them all, word for word.  I appreciate every single one of them and I can never express how much they mean to me!

If you want to write to me, my address is:

Kristen Owens 

PO Box 1665

Elm City, NC 27822

Raising Awareness

This month is Breast Cancer Awareness month and I have seen pink absolutely everywhere.  The awareness raised now for breast cancer is really amazing.  From college and professional sports teams wearing pink in nationally televised games to the White House being illuminated pink one night, there's no way people don't know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  According to the American Cancer Society, "dramatic improvements in cancer research, treatment, and early detection, millions of women are surviving breast cancer today."  Don't get me wrong, that's absolutely amazing! It's great, but the thing is, there are other types of cancer out there that need more awareness.

I, myself, use to love to wear pink to support breast cancer awareness and the survivors.  I still do!  It's an awesome thing and it's amazing that kids as young as high school and middle school age will wear pink in their games to support it.  Even my grandmother is a breast cancer survivor, so of course I will continue to wear pink in October and go to events to help support awareness and other survivors.  Statistically, behind skin cancer, breast cancer is the most common cancer among American women.  The interesting thing is, it's not the cancer that is the leading cause of death among American women.  I feel like so much awareness is raised for breast cancer, that many other cancers get overlooked.  Especially ovarian cancer, which is known as the "silent killer," because most of the time it is detected too late.  Ovarian cancer accounts for more deaths than any other cancer of the reproductive system. 

Today, women are reminded to go get their annual mammograms, do breast self-exams, and even be tested for the BRCA gene if breast cancer runs in their family.  This is all great, but what about being tested for other types of cancers or gene mutations?  Women hate pelvic exams and pap smears, but they're SO important for early detection of other types of cancer.  Please, please have one done annually! There are no true 100% reliable screening tests for ovarian cancer at this point, but any little thing can help, even if it's just knowing the signs or symptoms.  Better ways to screen for ovarian cancer are being researched. Hopefully, improvements in screening tests will eventually lead to a lower ovarian cancer death rate.

There are so many organizations out there that raise money for breast cancer awareness and research.  You can probably name one or two off the top of your head.  Komen? The Kay Yow Cancer Fund?  I bet you can't name one ovarian cancer organization, right?  Everyone knows pink represents breast cancer awareness.  Most people have to ask what color my ribbon is.  (It's teal blue, by the way.) This just proves that many other cancers need more awareness.  More money raised for research.  More testing made available.   October is great for breast cancer awareness and we've come so far.  Survival rates are up and treatments are improved.  Now, if only more awareness was raised for all the other types of cancer.  People need to know that there are other types of cancer out there besides breast cancer.  Wear your pink this month and support breast cancer awareness, but don't forget liver cancer, which is also in October!  Do a little research and look up what cancers need awareness raised next month! Lung cancer, carcinoid cancer, pancreatic and also stomach cancer.  November is also National Family Caregivers Month and they need all the support they can get.  Continue to fight the fight and never give up!  One day, there will be a cure!

TWO WEEKS!

Well, it's been two weeks since my third surgery.  I have to say that my recovery this time has been a lot quicker than my last surgery, even thought it was expected to be worse.  So, I'm definitely happy about that.  I've been feeling okay other than some pain in my right side and lower back.  I'm not quite sure of the source yet and I've received a few different opinions on it.  I'm just hoping it will reside soon.  

As for the surgery itself, everything went well.  It lasted a bit longer than the last two, but that was due mainly to having a plastic surgeon in the operating room to repair my abdominal muscles and mesh this time and close the incision.  The incision looks a lot better this time as well!  

I started chemo again last week and I'll be getting weekly Taxol treatments for six weeks and then starting a different drug. The new drug isn't actually a toxin like chemo, so none of the horrible side effects!  Just headaches and nose bleeds.. Which may sound bad, but they're definitely easy to handle compared to hair loss, extreme fatigue, and lung damage! 

I'm hoping and praying that this last surgery got everything out and this chemo and new drug will clean up the rest and maybe.. Just maybe, I'll finally be cancer free.  That's my Christmas wish for right now, so Santa, keep your eyes open!  I love the holiday season and it's my favorite time of year.  So, here's to hoping I can celebrate it with my friends and family AND receive the gift of being cancer free!  

I love all of you guys and thanks so much for the continued prayers and well wishes.  It all means so much to me.  I would be nowhere without all this love and support behind me.  Thank you! 

Unspoken Bond

I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have this bond with all other cancer patients.  Maybe it's because only we understand what each one of us is going through and the battles we face every day.  Whatever it is, it's something truly remarkable.

Walking into the Cancer Center or the Women's Center at UNC, I'm usually the youngest one there by a long shot.  I still feel an understanding from all the other cancer patients.  They look at me and they just know.  Sometimes they just give me the nod or the smile when they can tell I'm not up for talking, but every now and then, they'll start up a conversation.  "So, what's your story?"  People have no idea how great it is to have someone else know exactly what you're going through. Someone who's not going to always tell you not to worry and that everything will be just fine, but instead will let you vent and talk about how scared you really are.

I hear these stories about other cancer patients who fought such a tough battle against their cancer and cancer ends up taking their life.  I feel this connection with them that few people can understand and it only makes me want fight harder and win my battle, for all those who lost theirs.  

Cancer is an ugly, terrible thing that I wish didn't exist.  I've been through many rough things in my life, but this is definitely the hardest battle I've ever had to fight.  I still have quite the battle left but I still have plenty of fight left in me. And I will never ever give up. Life is too precious. 

Also, my surgery is tomorrow morning so here's to hoping and praying that everything goes well! Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. I love you all so so much! 

**Also, I want to dedicate this post to Mr. Hackett, who lost his battle just a few days ago.  But I know he's looking down on his family and friends and also everyone else who still has a tough battle to fight. I'm fighting this fight for you and everyone else who fought a long, hard fight. Rest easy. "Hackstrong"

Cherishing Every Moment

The fear of dying shouldn't be the only thing that makes a person cherish every moment in life.  I guess this journey has taught me a lot in the last year.  I've learned to cherish every little thing, whether it seems important at the time or not.  Truth is, you're never going to get that exact moment back, so enjoy it while you can.

The fear of dying also shouldn't be the only thing that makes a person really live.  I'm not talking about the everyday life, same thing day after day.  I'm talking about really living. Going out and doing things you never thought you would do.  Conquering fears and having the time of your life while doing it.  Doing things that you'll never forget as long as you live, whether it be a meticulously planned backpacking trip or a spontaneous trip to the beach.  Do the things you really want to do while you still have the ability to do them.

When I was a senior in high school, one of my teachers had my class make a bucket list of things we wanted to accomplish in life.  At the time, I didn't take this assignment as seriously as I should have.  Now, I see how important a bucket list can be and I really appreciate the importance of that assignment.  I've added more things to my bucket list in the past few months then I could have ever imagined.  Surprisingly, I'm checking things off one by one, as I accomplish the things I never thought I could or would have even attempted.  

I don't take anything for granted these days.  I cherish every moment, whether it be alone time when I get to take in the beauty around me or time I spend with family and friends.  Cancer is perceived as such a horrible thing, but I guess for me it hasn't been all negative.  It's taught me so much and I've met some pretty amazing people along the way.  Life is always a journey and I'm growing each and every day. 

One Year

A lot can change in just a year.  I know that to be true now, more than ever.  Tomorrow will make exactly one year since the day I walked into the Wilson emergency room having abdominal pain, only to be having emergency surgery just a few hours later to remove a ruptured tumor and my left ovary.  

One year that I've been fighting this terrible cancer.  So much can happen in just a year.  Two major surgeries, twenty-one rounds of chemotherapy, countless trips to see so many different doctors, all in just a year's time.  I can't even explain all the emotions I've experienced in just this past year.  Shock, sadness, anger, happiness, even just being completely numb at times.  From feeling like I was on top of the world when I finished my first go around with chemo and thought I ha beat this cancer, to that moment of shock and numbness when I found out my fight is not yet over.  It's been an emotional rollercoaster. 

It's amazing to think about the difference a year can make.  I've learned so much in just a short year and I sure have changed.  I've learned to appreciate all the small things and to never take anything for granted.  I've learned how people can come together to help someone they love.  I've learned to appreciate the most important people in my life who will always be there for me no matter what. 

If anything, this battle that I'm going through has changed me for the better.  I've grown as a person and I've learned to just take things day by day and be thankful every morning that I wake up.  My fight isn't over yet and I know I'll still face obstacles day in and day out, but I hope I continue to have the support system I've had and I know I can accomplish anything.  I don't know where my journey will take me next but I'm accepting it with open arms. 

One Week Down!

So, I'm one week through chemo, and boy, was it a rough one.  

I started chemo Monday, on my birthday, at Chapel Hill.  I received 2 types of chemo that day, one through my chest port and one through the port in my side.  The cistplatin is the type I got through my side and that was the rough one.  It made me feel horrible all week and I'm even still feeling some effects from it.  I had complications from the cistplatin chemo on Monday night, and my doctor thinks she may cut back on it some during my next round.  I sure hope so, because I'm not up for feeling that way again.

This chemo is so much stronger than the last type of chemo I received.  I actually think I kind of underestimated it a little.  I thought I'd be able to get through it as easily as I did with the last chemo, but this chemo has really gotten me down.  There are also a lot more side effects with this chemo.  Ringing in the ears, hearing loss, blurry vision, loss of appetite, metallic taste, and so on... and I've experienced all of it.  And it absolutely sucks.  There's no other way to even explain it.  I can't even begin to try to explain to people how I feel.  I feel restless, like I want to do something, but I'm too exhausted to actually do anything.  It's a weird feeling to try to explain, so I won't even try.

The rest of the week of chemo every day went okay, for the most part.  Thursday was one of my roughest days and I felt pretty bad, very nauseous and really exhausted.  They gave me lots of meds that day and I slept most of the time through chemo.
 

 Friday was a better day for me and thankfully, my last day of chemo for two weeks.  Now, I have a 2 week break and can hopefully start feeling normal for at least a week or two.  Then, I'll start the process all over again.  Two more weeks of chemo and I hope that I'll be done for good and not have to go through any of this anymore.  I'm hoping that my next two rounds won't be as rough on me and maybe my body will get use to the chemo.  Here's to hoping!