Unspoken Bond

I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have this bond with all other cancer patients.  Maybe it's because only we understand what each one of us is going through and the battles we face every day.  Whatever it is, it's something truly remarkable.

Walking into the Cancer Center or the Women's Center at UNC, I'm usually the youngest one there by a long shot.  I still feel an understanding from all the other cancer patients.  They look at me and they just know.  Sometimes they just give me the nod or the smile when they can tell I'm not up for talking, but every now and then, they'll start up a conversation.  "So, what's your story?"  People have no idea how great it is to have someone else know exactly what you're going through. Someone who's not going to always tell you not to worry and that everything will be just fine, but instead will let you vent and talk about how scared you really are.

I hear these stories about other cancer patients who fought such a tough battle against their cancer and cancer ends up taking their life.  I feel this connection with them that few people can understand and it only makes me want fight harder and win my battle, for all those who lost theirs.  

Cancer is an ugly, terrible thing that I wish didn't exist.  I've been through many rough things in my life, but this is definitely the hardest battle I've ever had to fight.  I still have quite the battle left but I still have plenty of fight left in me. And I will never ever give up. Life is too precious. 

Also, my surgery is tomorrow morning so here's to hoping and praying that everything goes well! Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. I love you all so so much! 

**Also, I want to dedicate this post to Mr. Hackett, who lost his battle just a few days ago.  But I know he's looking down on his family and friends and also everyone else who still has a tough battle to fight. I'm fighting this fight for you and everyone else who fought a long, hard fight. Rest easy. "Hackstrong"

Cherishing Every Moment

The fear of dying shouldn't be the only thing that makes a person cherish every moment in life.  I guess this journey has taught me a lot in the last year.  I've learned to cherish every little thing, whether it seems important at the time or not.  Truth is, you're never going to get that exact moment back, so enjoy it while you can.

The fear of dying also shouldn't be the only thing that makes a person really live.  I'm not talking about the everyday life, same thing day after day.  I'm talking about really living. Going out and doing things you never thought you would do.  Conquering fears and having the time of your life while doing it.  Doing things that you'll never forget as long as you live, whether it be a meticulously planned backpacking trip or a spontaneous trip to the beach.  Do the things you really want to do while you still have the ability to do them.

When I was a senior in high school, one of my teachers had my class make a bucket list of things we wanted to accomplish in life.  At the time, I didn't take this assignment as seriously as I should have.  Now, I see how important a bucket list can be and I really appreciate the importance of that assignment.  I've added more things to my bucket list in the past few months then I could have ever imagined.  Surprisingly, I'm checking things off one by one, as I accomplish the things I never thought I could or would have even attempted.  

I don't take anything for granted these days.  I cherish every moment, whether it be alone time when I get to take in the beauty around me or time I spend with family and friends.  Cancer is perceived as such a horrible thing, but I guess for me it hasn't been all negative.  It's taught me so much and I've met some pretty amazing people along the way.  Life is always a journey and I'm growing each and every day.